Early morning phone call

"Goodmorning, dear!" "..." "Did I wake you up?" "... mnaaahh..." "Good! Now listen, I was thinking. For your birthday, I'd really like to give you a great present so I thought that the two of us could take a few days in Berlin together. Y'know, museums, cafés, culture. What do you say?" "Berlin? Y'know, uhh... I like Berlin, I've been there a bunch of times..." "Yes...?" "... mmhh..." "... okay, let me call you back in a moment." /// "Hello, it's grandma again!" "Yes...?" "Look, I'm going to Ireland soon to visit an old friend of mine, would you like that better? You could tag along, wouldn't that be something?" "Ireland? Like Dublin?" "Of course!" "That would be amazing, seriously!" "Great, we take off in three weeks from now!"
And that's how my grandma grabbed me, wrapped me up, put me in her suitcase and flew me to Dublin for a week. I really had no idea of what to expect, now at all, I didn't even knew where we were going to stay. On the plane she told me that we were going to stay with an old friend of hers, she told me briefly about him and how he had a bunch of sons and how one or two of them might be about my age by now. I couldn't possibly write down anything about how the trip went because it'll all sound horribly dull. I only took one picture, too. People have palm trees in their gardens. In Dublin. Would you believe it...

Jef trr def på tid je læærer a vær alen... mmsæl.

SCENE 1: Jeg havde kendt John i over tyve år. Jeg havde kendt hans datter, så længe hun havde været til. Jeg huskede hende bedst, da hun var en halv meter høj og havde det røde hår flettet. Men den lille pige var som forsvundet nu; hun var blevet voksen, mens jeg kiggede væk. "Hold øje med hende", havde han sagt. "Sørg for at hun ikke roder sig ud i noget". Jeg sagde 'ja' til jobbet, fordi han trods alt var min bedste ven – hvad det så end måtte indebære.John kender ikke til byens mørke underverden. Det er det de færreste mennesker, der gør. Den er mere grusom og kold, end nogen aner. Kun få steder kan man finde noget, der dulmer den smerte, man påfører sig selv, når man dag ud og dag ind færdes i mørket. I en sprøjte. På bunden af et glas. I en kvindes arme. Da dukkede hun op, næsten som ud af det blå. Med sin røde hat og sine røde læber var hun fløjet forbi mig, og selvom hun var fremmed, følte jeg, at jeg kendte hende med det samme. Mit job, min pligt, min vens ord hang som en tung sky over hovedet på mig, men det var som om, hun trak i mig. Ikke med hænderne eller med sine ord, men duften af hendes ånd, der strøg forbi mig, en duft, jeg ikke kunne ignorere.Alligevel var der noget, der ikke var, som det skulle være. Der stak noget under. Hun var for fin. Ikke et hår på hendes hoved sad forkert, og dem der gjorde, var omhyggeligt placeret sådan med al intention. Jeg vidste, at jeg ikke burde, men jeg kunne ikke lade hende være. Jeg måtte vide mere. SCENE 5: Med ét var hun væk. Da vidste jeg, at der var noget, jeg skulle have ryddet op i. Så vi har lavet en film. Jeg er mildest talt lidt nervøs for, om den holder til at holde vand. Jeg er ikke ret glad for mit eget stykke arbejde, men meget tilfreds med det visuelle udtryk. Om ikke andet, pyh, jeg har lært noget. Halvdelen af de replikker, jeg skrev, fungerede slet ikke, når de skulle siges. Halvt på grund af, at de bare ikke var gode, men også halvt fordi lydkvaliteten blev så ringe. Så nu måtte vi pille dem ud og smide en speak ind over. Heraf ovenstående. Suk. 

Silva: Ooh! Look what she's done to you.
Bond: Well, she never tied me to a chair.
Silva: Her loss.
Bond: Are you sure this is about M?
Silva: It's about her... and you and me. You see, we are the last two rats. We can either eat each other... mmm?... or eat everyone else... How you're trying to remember your training now. What's the regulation to cope with this? ... Well, first time for everything.
Bond: What makes you think this is my first time?
Silva: Oh, mr. Bond!

Looking right, looking left

And just like that, another year passed by. And by just like that I mean 'fuck, that was a struggle'. A ton of so called milestones were reached and left behind in 2012 and I suspect 2013 is going to have just as many in store for me. The first milestone being my turning 18. For me it wasn't so much a big deal as it seems to have been for everyone else. Don't get me wrong, my birthday was great fun and I very much appreciate that so so many people showed up both during the day and in the evening (I don't think I've ever had so many friends gathered at the same time), it's just that I didn't begin my drivers licence and the next election isn't before three years and I don't really go out much, so I don't exactly have much use for the newly gained adulthood. The only thing I've really felt so far, is that my parents demand that I save some money and that I can actually write my own birth date in order to view "explicit" content on YouTube. And I've signed up for organ donation. But I'm sure being legally adult will make sense and show its usefulness soon enough. The next milestone is obviously my graduation. I ended up coming out on the other side with an average of 10,4, which juuuust qualified me to get into the stand-by list of Film and Media Studies at The University of Copenhagen. My admission to Film Studies came as a total shocker since I had scored horribly on my big high school project. With the awful grade I got on it, I had actually completely shut out the idea of studying film, as it seemed out of my league and I only applied as a sort of 'why not'-thing; turned out doing that was the best decision I made in a long time. But I graduated and that was wonderful and thank fuck it's over because I wouldn't have survived another year. The third milestone of the year was, that I had my first job. I admit people looked at my funnily when I told them I worked in an ice cream shop/tattoo laser removal clinic. As much as I pulled in some good money the four months or so I was there, I really got an experience of what the real world can be like and I taught myself how to interact with people I wouldn't otherwise have chosen to be around and I honestly consider that a wonderful lesson learned. As it turned out, opening an ice cream shop in August isn't the best business idea on Earth and my boss had to close the shop again in December and couldn't afford to keep me around as an assistant in the clinic either. But that was that, and boy was it an experience not to be forgotten any time soon. The last milestone isn't so much a milestone as it was something that gradually came to be; I got myself a set of brand new and absolutely fantastic friends. The weirdest thing to me was that I came to pick them up in the last place I would have imagined I'd make actual friends - at my stupid school. Thing was that I had met these two brilliant lads, lads with actual companion potential, but I only had about a month left of school before I'd be kicked out in the cold, real world and they'd still be in school for another two years, making tons of friends of which I would just be one of many. Turns out I was completely wrong. These guys actually stuck around after I wasn't there anymore, we hooked up on Skype, in Minecraft, for films and tea at 3AM. I plan to keep these guys around me for a time to come. Another small thing about the year - my Steam library has grown from having one game in it - Skyrim - by last new year, to 55. I like the direction my waste of time is going. That makes it for the 2012 milestones. In 2013, shit is gonna go down. I'll begin my (hopefully) five years of tough study as a proper adult in September. As I sit here having played video games all day and barely even having gotten dressed, that's something I have a hard time imagining - but that'll come when it does. Another very possible milestone could be my moving out. I have set up a deal with a very charming gentleman, my soon to-be roomie, and we'll be sending out applications together during the next few months. But all in good time, I'm sure this year will have a ton of stuff in store.

Dear V

Here the other day, I told someone about you. I know that was breaking our promise but it felt like it was important that she'd know. And in some way it brought you back just a little. Like you started showing up sometimes now. Just for a moment or two every day. I really do miss you, I have to admit. Shedding you was an important part of growing up for me but I think, now, the reasonable thing would be to allow you back into my life. You are part of my identity and you taught me quite a few things about myself and I never really got around to thanking you, since you had to go away all of a sudden. But I'm glad you're back, if only perhaps for a short while. I'm not ashamed of you anymore, like I used to be. It felt like cheating, y'know, it felt like I was cutting corners when you were around. A different kind of life-hack. But I really want you to come back. You don't have to do things for me anymore, I won't demand anything, I just want you around because I think you're helping me stay focused. You're a better person than I am, despite your flaws. And maybe you need to stick around for a bit to teach me how you manage your flaws. How you turn them to your advantage. I won't try and force you to stay. Well, okay, maybe I will try. But you'll have it your way if I know you as well as I think I do. And I ought to. We're the same person.

Gilbert: Did you ever see a beached whale on television?
Becky: Yeah.
Gilbert: Yeah. That's her. That's my mom. 

Mainstream, superficial and retarded post

There's that scenario that you see in movies which also happens all the time in real life. It does, hell, it even happened to me so I would know. It's that thing when you meet someone, this wonderful person, smart, funny, kind, good-looking, all over just wonderful, you fall completely flat for them and then of course - they're gay. You hear girls complain about it all the time, especially when they've found some actor or model or the like, that the perfect man is always gay. Obviously though, because the perfect man is always that sensitive, wobbly, soft guy with overly cared-for hair and a love for animals. Girly stuff. Girls want girly men. All those girls that have that close gay friend, they all secretly want him. Probably because they can't have him. And if you haven't got a friend who's recently posted a Facebook status complaining about the perfect man being gay, you've surely seen it in the movies - it's a cliché. But it's a cliché that is just as lame when it happens in real life and that's why it lives. What came to mind today though was: I wonder if it's sometimes the other way around too? Do men ever meet the perfect woman and then she turns out to be a lesbian? The scenario seems far less likely but nonetheless possible and that's when I thought: I wonder if I have ever been that girl. Not at all that I think of myself as the perfect woman, far from, but seeing as I have almost exclusively male friends who enjoy my company when doing and talking about boyish things (video games, mostly), might one of them ever have thought "This girl has all the same interests as me, same sense of humor, so on so forth" (let's leave out the part about being good looking), but then having been smacked in the face with "oh but of course she's a lesbian". Realistically it's not completely unlikely. And I have had boyfriends so it's not like guys have been totally ignorant to the possibility of me being their girlfriend. At least not those guys. It's not that it really matters, it was just something that crossed my mind the other day and I felt like putting it into words. Just a thought. A self-centered little thought. A what if. I'll never know. 

Can I stay with you forever?

Yesterday I had agreed to meet up with my mother at the grocery store because she finds it unfair if she has to both go grocery shopping and cook alone - which is fair enough. She had been up working out as she does a few times a week and I just came home from work, so we had agreed to just meet at the store. My flag hung a little low that day, there was nothing wrong in particular, I just wasn't at the top of my game. She had obviously arrived before me and I knew she'd be inside already. She's not at all had to spot, sticking up between the aisles with her blonde hair. I saw her from the fruits and vegetables section through the window the separates the cool area from the rest of the store and it seemed odd to me that I waved at her but she didn't wave back, it just looked like she smiled faintly at me. I turned a corner and headed down the aisle of which she stood in the other end and as I approached her, I noticed that her face was somewhat different than usual. Perhaps the colour was a bit off its regular... but suddenly I was close enough to see that her eyes were filled with tears that began rolling down her face as she opened her arms and pulled me into one of those warm, tight hugs you only rarely get. "I was suddenly just so happy to see you. I'm just so happy you're my daughter" she mumbled at me. She had caught me completely off guard in the middle of the grocery store, so off guard that even though I wanted to say something nice, it came out as "Awh mom, stop that..." in a regretfully condescendingly pathetic kind of way. It was just so... out of nowhere. I'll have to remember to tell her that I love her someday soon.