I've needed so badly to allow myself to relax without feeling guilty. Relax I say, I havn't done anything else for more than a week; no but relax without feeling awful about it and therefore not actually relaxing. I think I've been successful these last couple of days in doing so though I'm not quite sure if that's a good or a bad thing. On the bright side I actually feel good - without any pills or breathing exercises - I actually feel really good when I turn off my brain, lean back and play Super Smash Bros Brawl. On the other hand it might be a bad thing that I have actually been able to shut out all thoughts of homework because now all the things I had my whole break to do are clogged up and I have to work so awfully hard this week to get them done. I doubt it's realistic that I'll be able to finish everything I have to, even though as I'm writing this I in this very moment feel like I could write on and on about the Paris Hilton phenomonon and about Peter Something's way of writing that puts God in an awfully awkward position. Hell, I don't know. And it's not only homework, I have to be done at work soon which means I'll have to go there practically every day for the next three weeks. To make it all even better, it's my birthday this Thursday and I couldn't care less. I'd love some presents alright but I honestly don't have the energy for parties and families and smiles and shit. I just want to curl up in my work little world of working hard. I'd shut off the internet if I only had the guts; but I don't. I have to beat up Captain Falcon and Kirby. I have to make Ferdy-Amt reach the top of the Gaming career. I have to build the largest cobblestone castle in the world. I have to relax. I have to relax.
